NEWS

‘Scary Clown’ Alert Issued for Ottawa County as Clown Convention Comes to Spring Lake

In a Public Safety Warning (PSW) issued Monday by the Ottawa County Sheriff’s Department, authorities are alerting County residents to an expected rise in Scary Clown sightings this week, as hundreds of clowns gather in Spring Lake for the three-day YOWZA 2016 Clown Convention, set to begin Thursday at the Spring Lake Holiday Inn. As Sheriff’s…

Santa Bans Elves From North Pole In Hate-Filled Twitter Tirade – Toy Delivery In Doubt

With less than two days until Christmas, Santa Claus’s public meltdown on Twitter yesterday has given parents and children around the world good reason to fear there will be no Christmas toys this year, after Santa’s explicit threat to permanently ban Elves from the North Pole. In a series of angry and expletive-laden Tweets which…

KILLER PUMPKINS? West Michigan Counties Issue Health-Warning After Outbreak Of ‘Pumpkin-Rash’

Responding to the recent West Michigan outbreak of FARS-P, known as ‘Pumpkin-Rash’, Health Department Authorities from both Kent and Ottawa Counties issued an Emergency Health Alert this morning, urging parents, teachers, children and all residents with or near a pumpkin to take immediate precautions against this Transmittable Spore Disease (TSD). FARS-P (or Fungally-Atrophiated Respiratory Sclerosis,…

Spartan Fans Sue GRR Airport for Decor-Discrimination

In a class-action civil suit filed yesterday afternoon in Kent County’s 17th Circuit Court, a local group of twenty-three MSU Spartan fans, calling themselves Green-Blooded Americans For Fairness, claim the Gerald R. Ford International Airport (GRR) is guilty of decor-discrimination for its use of a maize & blue color scheme. Papers, legal briefs and several…

Surprise Oprah Visit Shocks Grand Haven Carnival-Goers

Oprah Winfrey made an unannounced appearance in Grand Haven today, sampling local delicacies and enjoying carnival rides with shocked but delighted residents and visitors. Helena Hopewell, a 32-year-old Rockford woman currently camping at the Grand Haven State Park, got the surprise of a lifetime when she found herself standing in line for the Tilt-A-Whirl with none…

New Exhibit at Grand Haven’s Fire Barn Gallery Draws Protests & Lawsuits

A controversial new art exhibit at Grand Haven’s Fire Barn Art Gallery has triggered protests and lawsuits from local activist-groups as well as The Grand River Times, raising doubts as to whether the gallery’s red-carpet Opening Night Gala Event will still take place at 6:00 pm on Thursday evening (July 16). Three separate lawsuits against…

M.I.L.F. Opposes Effort To Remove Cross From Grand Haven’s Dewey Hill

After WZZM13 aired a story Friday about a new Facebook-driven protest movement attempting to force the removal of a Cross from Grand Haven’s Dewey Hill, local civic-activist group M.I.L.F. (Morally Indignant Liberty Foundation) issued a statement this morning protesting the new protest and vowing to oppose any and all efforts to remove the Cross. “The…

Tribe Versus Tribe For Muskegon Casino

The Manistee-based Little River Band of Ottawa Indians (LRBOI) wants to build a casino near The Lakes shopping mall in Fruitport Township, and the Grand Rapids-based Grand Rivers Band of Ottawa Indians (GRBOI) wants to build a casino in downtown Muskegon. As these two tribes vie for control of a Muskegon gambling franchise, the economic…

City Council Approves Grand Haven’s First ‘Adult’ Toy Store In Nearly Half A Century

Nooks & Crannies, the long-vacant Jackson Street property now under new ownership, will soon re-open as an adult toy store and dispensary of relationship enhancement equipment; Grand Haven’s first such establishment in more than forty years. In a special City Council session called on short-notice Thursday evening, Council Members voted to approve a permit for…

Tri-Cities YMCA Facing Backlash After Name-Change to LMAO

Less than a week after changing their name to the Ladies’ & Men’s Athletic Organization (LMAO), Directors of the former Young Men’s Christian Association (YMCA) are working to address the community outrage and public-relations disaster triggered by their recent name-change. In a Press Release accompanying last Thursday’s introduction of new business cards, letterhead and outdoor…

Tri-Cities ‘Cereal-Killer’ Strikes Again – Police Release Sketch of Possible Suspect

The Tri-Cities Cereal-Killer struck again yesterday, this time at an undisclosed Ferrysburg address, but law enforcement investigators may also finally have their first solid lead in the case, in the form of an eyewitness who saw a man leaving the scene of the most recent crime. Authorities have now released a police sketch of a…

Electric Cart Casualties May Lead To Traffic Lights In Retail Superstores

In a comprehensive report released this morning, The Federal Transportation & Traffic Administration (FTTA) is recommending to Federal and State lawmakers that retail superstores be required to install in-store traffic lights and stop signs for electric-carts. The FTTA Report follows a 14-month investigation into the alarming rise in electric-cart casualties and associated incidents of violence…

Recent Sightings of ‘Spring Loch Monster’ Exposed As Hoax – Perpetrator Arrested

After a four-day frenzy of reactions to reported sightings and photographs of a large, unidentified creature living in Spring Lake, the Ottawa County Sheriff’s Department announced this afternoon that it was all a well-planned and meticulously orchestrated hoax, and that a 13-year-old Grand Haven boy has been arrested in connection with the incident. When the…

96-Year-Old Japanese Soldier Released From Hospital – Flown ‘Home’ To South Korea By Mistake

After more than three weeks of medical treatment and recuperation, including extensive debriefing sessions with both Japanese and U.S. diplomats, the 96-year-old Japanese soldier found last month behind Butch’s Beach Burritos was released yesterday from North Ottawa Community Hospital. The soldier’s name continues to be withheld, as Authorities discovered the he has an older brother…