Clover Bar Announces Takeover of Fricano’s Pizza

CloverBar-story

In a move that immediately created shockwaves, followed by a number of ripples and several strong reverberations across the western Michigan area, Clover Bar has announced a takeover of Fricano’s Pizza, effective immediately; abruptly ending the Grand Haven ‘pizza war’ that has divided local pizza-lovers for half a century. Because devotees of the two establishments can be as fervent and partisan in their affections as Spartan/Wolverine fans, Coke/Pepsi drinkers, or Ford/Chevy drivers, today’s news isn’t likely to sit well with longtime fans of Fricano’s, an institution in Grand Haven since serving its first pizza in 1951.

One local resident, Kathy Norbury, who lives two blocks from Fricano’s, stood on the Fulton Street sidewalk and wept openly as the Fricano’s sign was taken down late Wednesday afternoon. “This can’t be true”, said Kathy, between sobs and sniffles, “It has to be a bad joke. This cannot be happening.” By the time workers hoisted a new Clover Bar sign, Norbury collapsed, curled into a fetal position, and became so apoplectic with grief that paramedics were called from North Ottawa Community Hospital, where she is now resting in stable condition and will begin a program of grief-counseling once she is able to walk again.

While Clover Bar owners and representatives have so far avoided any direct questions from the media that might help explain how this takeover came about, or how it could happen with no advance warning, a statement posted on Clover Bar’s website today acknowledges the sensitivity of today’s announcement. “Out of respect for both the Fricano family and the restaurant’s many fans, we will continue to use their red & white plastic tablecloths for ninety days, and we’ll soon be adding a special ‘Fricano’s Memorial Pizza’ to our menu, which is already far more extensive than Fricano’s menu ever was. We appreciate that this may be a painful and difficult change for many folks to accept, so we’d like to allow time for them to absorb this news and come to terms with it before we engage in any further community dialogue, or discuss the details of our plans for renovating the original Fricano’s location. We would also urge the legions of Clover Bar fans to refrain from any overt, celebratory actions or noises, which could be insensitive, or even offensive, to anyone mourning the loss of Fricano’s Pizza.”

No one from the Fricano family has answered phone calls or emails, but according to a source quoted in late-breaking news from Reuters, the Fricano family are said to be gathering at their 18-acre summer compound in Hyannis Port, MA. It is from this same location, within their guarded, 22,000 square-foot residence – known to locals as “The Pepperoni Palace” for its round shape and cheese-shingled roof – that the Fricanos weathered a hostile-takeover attempt by Pizza Hut in 1983. It is not known if, or when, any official statement from the family will be forthcoming.

Clover Bar has announced that all pizzas in their new, Columbus Street address will be 50% off through this weekend. Be sure to follow The Grand River Times on Facebook or Twitter to receive any updates on this developing story.

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  67 comments for “Clover Bar Announces Takeover of Fricano’s Pizza

  1. Pete
    June 4, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    Mr. Scribb’s is getting nervous

    • Laurie
      June 4, 2014 at 10:30 pm

      Ha ha ha!

  2. Hugh
    June 4, 2014 at 10:24 pm

    Let’s try to get over there again.

  3. June 5, 2014 at 4:15 am

    Is this for real ?

    • neil
      June 6, 2014 at 12:25 am

      Yes, they have been plotting this take over for yours, they waited until the time was just right.

    • Brett
      June 7, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      No it is all lies

  4. June 5, 2014 at 5:31 am

    That really blows the place will go to crap now very disappointed

  5. Tom Sumerix
    June 5, 2014 at 6:19 am

    I call bullsh*t on this.

  6. Molly
    June 5, 2014 at 6:34 am

    It’s NOT true my girlfriends mom works there it’s a spoof!

    • burkle
      June 5, 2014 at 7:51 am

      wow you have some real inside info there snopes

  7. Marsha Haring
    June 5, 2014 at 8:06 am

    Does this just affect the Fricano’s in Grand Haven or all of their restaurants?

  8. TJ
    June 5, 2014 at 8:07 am

    You folks are really gullable huh?

    You do realize that every report on this site is a spoof right?

    • DSchu
      June 6, 2014 at 9:00 am

      The takeover, or the 50% off pizzas???

    • Kathy Beck
      June 30, 2016 at 12:31 pm

      TJ You really got people riled up didn’t ya. You bored or advertising?

  9. gordon
    June 5, 2014 at 8:16 am

    Before it was Fricanio,s it the home of Hudsonville Ice Cream,mt wife lived just around the corner from there and kids used go there for ice cream

    • gdvllauers@aol.com
      June 5, 2014 at 11:49 am

      Gordon, when was that? Since I grew up in GH, I know for sure that it was Fricano’s in the 50’s.

  10. Rick
    June 5, 2014 at 8:25 am

    Hope you have a good attorney.

  11. Liz
    June 5, 2014 at 8:44 am

    It’s over! The pizza war is over!! I declare this day V-P Day!!!

  12. Jill
    June 5, 2014 at 9:10 am

    VERY SAD DAY! No matter what the sign says that house will always be Fricanos. Unfortunately I will never visit it again.

    • June 5, 2014 at 9:23 am

      You may want to reconsider that…just a tip.

    • Amy
      June 5, 2014 at 5:54 pm

      Jill, this is fake, a spoof, joke, not real, funny, hahaha, get it? As the Editor-in-Chief stated, you may want to reconsider visiting.

  13. Bark Bark
    June 5, 2014 at 9:48 am

    I wondered where the corporate HQ was. Probably right beside the Bush compound. I guess I will have to buy Tony’s from D&W now. Just won’t be the same.

  14. Bark Bark
    June 5, 2014 at 9:50 am

    And for those of you who don’t believe this…..hey it is on the internet. It must be true. Be sure to take advantage of the 50% off special.

  15. Carol
    June 5, 2014 at 10:30 am

    I am a Fricano and this is not true, and “Rick” is right; you will be sorry when my brother Doug gets wind of this.
    Come in for a delicious FRICANO’S Pizza, the most famous and original pizza, tonight!!
    See you there!

    • June 5, 2014 at 10:34 am

      We second that! Fricano’s is the classic!

    • June 5, 2014 at 12:07 pm

      And we’re not just saying that because you’ve issued a public threat…we mean it.

    • Andrew
      June 5, 2014 at 5:53 pm

      Yep. They’ll be so sorry when Doug…oh, wait. This article was PRAISED on the Fricano’s Facebook page. Maybe some people can appreciate light-hearted comedy.

  16. stephany
    June 5, 2014 at 10:57 am

    ok guys lets step back here for a sec and just look at the heading of this article. “reporting the truth whether we know it or not” its the 1st issue 1st volume and your all taking this to heart like the worlds coming to an end because flesh eating zombies were spotted rowing their boats in off the pacific. take a deep breath and realize fricano’s is still there and not even the 50% off coupons made them sell it to clover 😉

    • June 5, 2014 at 11:05 am

      YES! Thank you. It’s Satire. Ya’ know, like The Onion…or Mad Magazine…or National Lampoon Magazine…or a Saturday Night Live parody…or a Colbert skit…how many do we need to list? It’s nothing but a much smaller and localized version of any of those things…

      • D Mo
        June 5, 2014 at 6:03 pm

        Except your stories aren’t funny.. “We’re like SNlL or The Onion.” Yeaaaaa…

        • June 5, 2014 at 6:15 pm

          we meant it’s in the same “spirit”, not quality…as a comparison in a genre…but thanks for setting us straight.

          • Bea
            June 24, 2014 at 4:39 am

            D set me straight as well. I feel like a fool for laughing now that I know these articles aren’t funny.

        • eastown lewis
          June 11, 2014 at 6:14 am

          If you are thinking their articles are not funny, then they are most like SNL than you give them credit for. SNL has had more bombs than funny since the early 80s.

          WTG Times Keep it up! I love what your doing. It reminds me of the old Porcupine press in the UP. And it is definitely as good as the Freewood Post.

          Just so we are clear this one is a spoof but the Japanese guy that was real right? lol

  17. DVH
    June 5, 2014 at 11:28 am

    Anything read on this site is entirely bullshit… someone is just trying to see how gullible people from GH are. The sad part is its working! Grand River Times popped up outta nowhere… why believe anything they have to say?

    • June 5, 2014 at 11:41 am

      You’ve busted the case wide open! It’s not a sociological experiment to test people. Is that your view of The Onion, too?

  18. DVH
    June 5, 2014 at 11:35 am

    But it is pretty funny… “Cheese shingled roof”… read Grand River Times for the comedy in it… just dont believe it!

  19. JPK
    June 5, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    Suggest you get the SEC to investigate…. Clearly monopolistic/restraint of trade implications

    Jpk

  20. MD
    June 5, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    First its Fricanos sells to Clover Bar. Then its flesh eating zombies rowing ashore what next? Cheese roofs??? is that like one of those new all natural roofs with the trees and grass growing instead of shingles?

  21. EB
    June 5, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    It had me going until the person in the fetal position. From just before that until the end, it read like an Onion article.

  22. Alan
    June 5, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Can’t wait to hear about all the angry customers demanding 50% off pizzas at the Clover this weekend… Oops.

  23. June 5, 2014 at 6:13 pm

    To all the thousands of Fricano’s Pizza faithful fans, we are flattered to be a part of such a marvelous and overdue hoax such as this one. Stories like this are extremely entertaining and certainly good for everyone’s enjoyment and enthusiasm. Clover Bar is a true compliment to the pizza industry in West Michigan. And to look at that picture and to see their name on the greatest pizza institution on the face of the Earth puts a smile on every Fricano members faces that has seen it to this point. Grand River Times should be commended for their creativity and their thought and Fricano’s Pizza considers it an honor to be thought of so highly to be featured in probably one of their most popular stories to date. This article is completely false as most of their articles are but it has raised an overwhelming amount of interest that the Fricano family embraces and is thankful for. Fricano’s Pizza Grand Haven brought pizza to West Michigan 65 years ago and their ownership and empire in West Michigan is safe and secure and will never ever be shared with anyone but the Fricano Family. As always your loyalty and patronage is what has made Fricano’s the icon and the crown jewel of pizza parlor over five generations and for that we are deeply and sincerely grateful. VIVA FRICANO’S PIZZA. Fricano’s for life

    • June 5, 2014 at 6:16 pm

      Thank you, Fricano’s Pizza. Those iconic pizza pies aren’t the only thing that makes you so delicious! We’re sorry if our fictional little satire (which we never thought could be taken seriously for an instant) caused you any hassle…that was not at all the intent.

  24. Heather Hyma
    June 5, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    Fricanos has to be one of my most favorite pizza places ever. After reading through all of the comments I choose to decide that this is a hoax. I can’t wait to enjoy more Fricanos pizza this summer!!

  25. John Waanders
    June 5, 2014 at 7:57 pm

    To the Editor – Don’t take all this criticism too much to heart. While I agree that this is not a “Colbert” level spoof, it is still pretty funny and the humor is further enhanced by the number of outraged comments…
    Well done. Look forward to more pieces like this. Also impressed that the family also stepped in to defend you. That is the level of class I would expect from the place. I remain a dedicated Frickin’ Fricano’s Freak…

  26. bark bark
    June 5, 2014 at 8:58 pm

    Tough Guy “Doug” (see quoted challenge below) has been nominated to meet the dastardly editor and reporter who covered this corporate takeover behind the buses after the last 5th grade bell has rung. He is going to beat someone to pieces in an old fashioned donnybrook that may actually turn into a fracas and you know that is tougher than a brouhaha. Prepare to be shamed by a very tough guy…..you won’t be able to show your face in shop class again! If Doug can’t get the job done it looks like “Rick” is on standby to help out.

    You will learn your lesson and stop this nonsensical nonsense forthwith or face further beatings. If the beatings don’t work it looks like the dreaded LAWYER is going to be sicced on you. That however is a 7th grade level issue………..

    “I am a Fricano and this is not true, and “Rick” is right; you will be sorry when my brother Doug gets wind of this.”

    • swizzle stick
      June 6, 2014 at 2:34 am

      I wanna see this! Which bus can I hide beside & still clearly figure out who the winner is? I bet both of you can put on a pretty good scuffle. Remember…those are NOT baby teeth anymore, so protect the area or eating any rendition of pizza will be awkward.

  27. Carol
    June 5, 2014 at 10:02 pm

    Unfortunatly, people belive this s t and it causes nuisance to business owners, but at least it gives people in Grand Haven something to think about…right?

  28. Pie Lover
    June 5, 2014 at 10:49 pm

    Keep up the good work, just remember any advertisement is good advertisement. I thought your news story on the Japanese Solider was well done, now if we could only find those teens from the 60’s to back up the claim :o) enjoy life no one gets out alive anyway.

  29. Karen
    June 5, 2014 at 11:17 pm

    Seriously? This is a story straight out of The Onion. Grow up, folks. It’s only pizza.

  30. June 6, 2014 at 12:38 am

    I am in Phoenix. And I only got to go there every couple of years so to hear that they’re closing all of a sudden is so devastating to me. Every single wonderful childhood memory that I have started at that restaurant. I’m absolutely heartbroken that it’s gone! Now does anyone know of the one on grand rapids is sill open??? Not the same but still…

    • Brett
      June 7, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      It is a Joke this site is a Fake!!!!

  31. Jack
    June 6, 2014 at 1:05 am

    Pizza is a car. There are birds inside the cloud, and change comes when Yorba Trees twist elevator chocolate down the mountain clock.

  32. Kim
    June 6, 2014 at 8:07 am

    If you believed this article then please don’t vote. Well done GRT. Looking forward to more of your investigative reporting!

  33. Dan
    June 6, 2014 at 8:59 am

    Wow! It’s like “The war of the worlds” broadcast. Since that one, I’ve been hiding in my house waiting to be vaporized.

  34. Wine Guy
    June 6, 2014 at 11:47 am

    I BLAME BUSH!!!!

  35. gordon
    June 6, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    This is Weird, i went past Fricano,s this morning and that sign on the ground was hanging on the building, not Clover Bar

    • YUP
      June 9, 2014 at 9:25 pm

      what the hell are you talking about no sign was hanging… Are you BLIND or something.. The sign is still in the same spot it always has been… Nothing has changed on the business.

  36. HiExWife
    June 6, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    I think a Japanese WWI veteran has something to do with this! Next they’ll be serving Bonzai Pizza…

  37. Kelli j
    June 6, 2014 at 9:21 pm

    People, get a life. . . And a sense of humor. This is The Grand River Times. Read it regularly, smile, laugh, and be thankful that some people still have a sense of humor! Thanks for the laugh!

  38. Brett
    June 7, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    I am laughing my fucking ass off this is a JOKE. Clover Bar did not buy Fricano’s. This is a joke I have been by the place and the name is the same. This is a cropped photo.

  39. Grandma Ruth
    June 9, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    My son is driving up from Georgia next week and he’s only coming for Fricano’s and the Cottage Bar. I’ll have to tell him to stay home. Next time I fly to Georgia I’ll have to find some Fricaco’s pizza to bring along. But then my luggage will smell.

    • Amy
      June 9, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      Ma’am seriously, read the comments. This is a spoof article. There is nothing true about it. Fricanos is still Fricanos!!!

  40. YUP
    June 9, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    Uh Fricano’s is still in business that picture is a FAKE!!!! they just edited the picture.. I just went by the restaurant and Fricano’s sign is still up. The person they stated that lives 2 blocks from the restaurant they stated to me they never talked to anyone about the restaurants.. it is ALL a LIE!!! Fake as HELL

  41. Phyllis VanDyke
    June 17, 2014 at 9:54 pm

    I am so happy to see this is a spoof. Yes, thought it real. Will be there Thursday for the BEST in the country. And will continue to read this paper.

  42. Wow, so many stupid people
    June 17, 2014 at 10:48 pm

    I lived in GH a few years back. Reading these comments by idiots who feel the need to point out that this obvious spoof is indeed a spoof, reminds me of how joyless and uptight the town is. Well done, GRT. GH clearly needs a swift and satirical kick in the ass now and then.

  43. tip-it
    June 18, 2014 at 10:44 am

    I’m sad that GR has been called Joyless and uptight! I would like to explain it this way; There are a lot of trusting, ordinary, busy people out there who need to be nudged when satire happens, simply because it is not the norm! Let’s admit, were it not for these dear people, then there would be nothing to laugh about….I mean, with.

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