M.I.L.F. Opposes Effort To Remove Cross From Grand Haven’s Dewey Hill

Dewey-Hill-CrossAfter WZZM13 aired a story Friday about a new Facebook-driven protest movement attempting to force the removal of a Cross from Grand Haven’s Dewey Hill, local civic-activist group M.I.L.F. (Morally Indignant Liberty Foundation) issued a statement this morning protesting the new protest and vowing to oppose any and all efforts to remove the Cross. “The cross only goes up ten Sundays a year in conjunction with waterfront church services”, says Floyd Lawson, Director for the Lakeshore Chapter of M.I.L.F., “And the City doesn’t spend a dime of taxpayer money on it. This new group is taking a ludicrous and extremist position towards our Cross, and we’ll be suspending our ongoing protest at the Tri-Cities Family LMAO until this latest threat to our community, and our values, has been eliminated.”

Known only as “Remove The Grand Haven Cross” on Facebook, the new group’s founder is referred to only as “He” by WZZM13, and “His” commitment to the cause is vividly illustrated by his refusal to identify himself or be named in public. By the time Remove The Grand Haven Cross’s Facebook Page skyrocketed past 40 Likes in its first 10 days, WZZM13 recognized a viral-groundswell in the making, and featured the controversy on its evening news broadcast. Since that story aired, the group’s Facebook supporters have exploded to more than 70 Likes, prompting Grand Haven City Officials to draft a contingency plan for calling in the National Guard should the already heated situation erupt into widespread civil-unrest. City Officials are refusing to confirm or deny reports that Homeland Security has begun installing a ring of security cameras around the Cross atop Dewey Hill.

One particularly inflammatory Facebook Post from Remove The Grand Haven Cross cites a 91-year-old Grand Haven Tribune article from September 17, 1923, which reported that Ku Klux Klan members burned a cross on Dewey Hill, but investigation by The Times shows they failed to mention a follow-up article on September 18, which issued a correction to the previous day’s story, explaining that the cross burning was actually the work of a local Wiccan Coven, and what appeared to witnesses from across the river as a burning Cross was nothing more than the last two wooden beams of a crumbling pentagram the witches had burned in a fertility ceremony.

Asked for comment as she was leaving City Hall this morning, Councilwoman Natasha Kumonski would only say, “We’re not sure if this group’s protest is the opening salvo from a new terrorist organization, or whether it’s nothing more than a childish prank, but the Mayor has raised our Security Alert Status to DEFCON 3, and we’re well-prepared for any situational developments which might transpire in such a transpirationally-heated environment as this is rapidly becoming. Local residents can rest assured that the Cross will stay up no matter what, except for the 355 days a year that it’s down.”


(Please ‘Like’ us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter to stay abreast of breaking news.)

Share Button

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *