Freak Windstorm Lands Pronto-Pups In New Location!

ProntoPupStoryDuring the brief, but severe thunderstorm which blew through west Michigan last night, Grand Haven’s iconic Pronto Pups stand was sucked into a tornado-like updraft by gale force winds that briefly exceeded 65 m.p.h., and blown more than half a mile, before falling onto the beach at the Grand Haven State Park. State Park Superintendent Josh Vandermeyer witnessed Pronto Pups falling from the sky while keeping watch over the campgrounds during the storm.

“I couldn’t believe it”, said Vandermeyer, “but that white shed with the yellow trim couldn’t be anything else, and when I saw that puppy hit the sand, I just starting running towards it.” Vandermeyer was concerned there could be people trapped inside, but Pronto Pups had closed for the night thirty minutes earlier, and at first glance it appeared empty. Vandermeyer climbed inside to be certain. “I couldn’t see all the way in there from outside”, said Josh, “but instinct and State Park training kicks in at times like that, and there’s no time to worry about the roof caving in or the scalding-hot oil from that deep-fryer.”

Vandermeyer spent more than twenty minutes, searching every corner and cubbyhole within the structure’s 63-square-feet, before satisfying himself there was no one in peril. “I’m glad no one was hurt and everything”, said a despondent Vandermeyer, “But I would’ve been the town hero today if someone had been trapped inside…” Fortunately for all involved parties, Pronto-Pups suffered only minor structural damage, and miraculously, very little oil spilled from the deep-fryer, and should still be usable whenever the world-famous Pup dispensary is able to re-open.

Attempts to contact Pronto-Pups’ owners have gone answered, but Lionel Bickersbetter, an attorney for Speedy-Dogs LLC, the NASDAQ-listed corporate parent of Pronto-Pups, has confirmed the company is in emergency talks with The City of Grand Haven about leaving Pronto-Pups in its new, lakeside location. Bickersbetter says, “Our clients are prepared to borrow someone’s pick-up truck and move their stand back from the beach, but we believe our customers would love the convenience of getting a Pup without leaving the beach, and a new stand could be erected in the original location within three or four days, provided Home Depot isn’t short on two-by-fours.”

A decision by The City is expected tomorrow. Stay with The Grand River Times for any breaking developments on this story.

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  26 comments for “Freak Windstorm Lands Pronto-Pups In New Location!

  1. Dan Hysell
    May 18, 2014 at 3:26 am

    Great reporting, incitful article, keep up the good work !!

    • May 18, 2014 at 3:35 am

      That is much appreciated. Thank you.

      • scott
        May 18, 2014 at 8:11 pm

        This looks very photo shopped, any more photos?

        • Judi
          May 18, 2014 at 11:40 pm

          YES it does, not a picture at all… Hope they are not trying to get a new people!!! 🙁

      • C swan
        May 19, 2014 at 1:00 pm


  2. jodi
    May 18, 2014 at 8:56 pm

    Thats some funny shit right there

  3. john
    May 18, 2014 at 8:59 pm

    Hahahaha. The internet: spreading stupidity since the 90s.

  4. john
    May 18, 2014 at 9:25 pm

    Type “theres no place like home” three times, then share article, hit refresh and watch pronto pups return to its original location. Wow it really works!

    • Katie
      May 18, 2014 at 9:57 pm

      I tried it and nothing happened! What the heck? Maybe pronto pup needs 1 million likes to return to its original location. Repost and click like. We can do this people!

      • Mike
        May 19, 2014 at 11:08 pm

        1 “Like” equals 1 “Respect”

  5. Dana
    May 19, 2014 at 8:25 am

    Another 100 foot to the west and those pronto puppies would been shark food!

    • J.C. Howe
      May 21, 2014 at 2:33 pm

      Come now. It’s on the singing sands of a Lake Michigan beach.

  6. ty
    May 19, 2014 at 11:49 am


  7. michelle
    May 19, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    Someone needs to take a photoshop class. At least try to make it look real.

    • May 19, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      We’ll enroll our photographer in a course right away! We’ll do anything to make fake news more real for our readers!

    May 19, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    I wonder if your business editor could do a story on the effect this event will have for the price of corn dogs this summer. If it raises the price to unsustainable numbers it could affect our tourism trade. Things are tight all over and a luxury food item like a pup needs to be affordable for all.

    • May 19, 2014 at 1:58 pm

      Thank you – we’ll discuss that in our weekly editorial staff meeting…you make a good point, and it would certainly be a concern to local merchants.

      • val
        May 19, 2014 at 3:52 pm

        is this real? I mean really?

        • joe m.
          May 19, 2014 at 4:14 pm

          Of course it is. Why would you even question it?

  9. Laurie
    May 19, 2014 at 5:53 pm

    Check out the Pronto Pup facebook site for amusing comments about this article. The snowball effect has begun 🙂

  10. sherry
    May 19, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    Even with photoshopping, you had me til the bit about staying on the beach. My best news source? My mom. She didn’t mention it so I know it is a wonderful flight of fancy.

  11. cindi
    May 20, 2014 at 5:54 am

    They should have added a pair of legs with ruby red slippers (or flip flops) under the shack!

  12. Kevin
    May 20, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Who knew that the first heart attack caused by our beloved pronto-pups would be because of a fake news article and not the delicious pups themselves lol

  13. Don
    May 20, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    I don’t know if it is real or not but it sure did bring back lots of memory’
    s from my youth. Remember the beach bash??

  14. Debby
    May 20, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    HAHAHAAAA! This reminds me of the articles from the Porcupine Press – truth out of fiction! Some ppl are soooo gullible… (just read the comments LOL) 😀

  15. Bobby
    June 4, 2014 at 11:43 pm

    Does the new location have an address, or should I just tell visiting relatives to google the State Park? If the latter, do they need to buy a Recreation Pass or is there an easement for PP customers?

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