After weeks of prevaricational indecisiveness over the fate of Dewey Hill’s controversial cross, the City of Grand Haven today answered critics and opponents of the cross with bold and defiant action in support of the cross and its future atop Dewey Hill. As the sun rose over Grand Haven this morning, local residents and merchants were treated to the sight of a new, larger cross on the Hill, along with several prominent nativity statues for the Christmas Season; all transported and erected during the night by city work crews who braved sub-freezing temperatures, lake-effect snow squalls and an un-heated Porta-Potty to create this publicly visible demonstration of the City’s response to allegations by protesters and legal groups arguing that the cross represents a Constitutional violation over separation of Church & State.
The City’s apparent decision to double-down on its efforts to defend its ownership and use of the cross was confirmed in a City Council Press Release this morning: “After a lengthy debate over whether the City should ‘double-down’ in its defense of the cross, or whether it should ‘go all-in’ for its defense of the cross, it was decided in a close vote that doubling-down would be more prudent and cost-effective at this time, and will leave room for the City to up the ante and go all-in at some future date, if necessary”. The Press Release goes on to explain how the new cross – over five times the size of its predecessor – is now guarded by a motion-tracking video surveillance perimeter installed and monitored through a partnership between Grand Haven Public Safety and Homeland Security. Violators of the newly-posted Security Warning signs around Dewey Hill will be treated as vandals by Public Safety and charged as enemy-combatants by Homeland Security.
In addition to measures defending the cross’s physical security, the City also announced the appointment of a legal ‘dream-team’ – led by the famed legal defense firm of Weinstein, Bernstein & Vanderklompen, headquartered in Hudsonville – who will argue for the City’s right to display Christian symbols in a town where the Christian-Majority is so large as to be nearly unanimous, anyway. Grand Haven City Councilwoman Natasha Kumonski, who handed-out copies of the City’s Press Release along with complimentary cider and donuts on a downtown street corner this morning, explained the City’s stepped-up efforts to preserve the cross. “We’re not forcing anyone to share our beliefs”, says Kumonski, “We even voted against a Resolution for making that mandatory last year. But I promised local voters two months ago that we would keep the cross up, and not only have we kept it up, but we’ve now made it five times bigger, too, and we’ll defend it in Court with every last penny at the City’s disposal.”
In celebration of the City’s moves to actively defend the cross, local activist group the Morally Indignant Liberty Foundation (MILF) will be hosting “Don’t Cross The Cross”, an open town-hall meeting and musical concert at the Community Center on Monday night. MILF has been a fierce defender of the Dewey Hill Cross since it came under attack several months ago, and MILF Director Floyd Lawson is thrilled by both the new cross and the giant nativity statues. “Even though the City didn’t take our suggestion to use red, white & blue swaddling clothing, I still got goosebumps and nearly wept when I looked up and saw that beautiful, 45-foot-long baby Jesus up there on the Hill”, said Lawson. “To see the City take such an aggressive stand for values of the right kind is cause for celebration, and we hope patriotic local residents will join us at the Community Center Monday night, where they can enjoy free food and music, and all proceeds from the sale of Don’t Cross The Cross t-shirts, mugs, calendars, posters and mousemats will go to the Dewey Hill Cross Legal Defense Fund.”