Tag Archive for Humor

Santa Bans Elves From North Pole In Hate-Filled Twitter Tirade – Toy Delivery In Doubt

With less than two days until Christmas, Santa Claus’s public meltdown on Twitter yesterday has given parents and children around the world good reason to fear there will be no Christmas toys this year, after Santa’s explicit threat to permanently ban Elves from the North Pole. In a series of angry and expletive-laden Tweets which…

KILLER PUMPKINS? West Michigan Counties Issue Health-Warning After Outbreak Of ‘Pumpkin-Rash’

Responding to the recent West Michigan outbreak of FARS-P, known as ‘Pumpkin-Rash’, Health Department Authorities from both Kent and Ottawa Counties issued an Emergency Health Alert this morning, urging parents, teachers, children and all residents with or near a pumpkin to take immediate precautions against this Transmittable Spore Disease (TSD). FARS-P (or Fungally-Atrophiated Respiratory Sclerosis,…

Grand Haven Celebrates ‘Light Night’ Despite Protesters Demanding A ‘Dark Night’ Event

Despite a threat from protesters, residents and visitors gathered last night in downtown Grand Haven for the annual Light Night celebration sponsored by the Grand Haven Board of Light & Power and the Downtown Development Authority. The gala was interrupted only once, by a small band of protesters who managed to unplug and destroy an…

BLOW HARD 2014: Pro-Am Leaf-Blowing Tournament Opens in Grand Haven

Round One of this year’s BLOW HARD Tournament kicks off in Grand Haven tomorrow morning, with excited spectators expected to crowd all sixteen Ottawa County neighborhoods playing host to one of the Tournament’s designated Leaf-Blowing Courses. The five-day competition, now in its ninth year, features 72 teams competing for a $150,000 Grand Prize, and will conclude…

M.I.L.F. Opposes Effort To Remove Cross From Grand Haven’s Dewey Hill

After WZZM13 aired a story Friday about a new Facebook-driven protest movement attempting to force the removal of a Cross from Grand Haven’s Dewey Hill, local civic-activist group M.I.L.F. (Morally Indignant Liberty Foundation) issued a statement this morning protesting the new protest and vowing to oppose any and all efforts to remove the Cross. “The…

City Council Approves Grand Haven’s First ‘Adult’ Toy Store In Nearly Half A Century

Nooks & Crannies, the long-vacant Jackson Street property now under new ownership, will soon re-open as an adult toy store and dispensary of relationship enhancement equipment; Grand Haven’s first such establishment in more than forty years. In a special City Council session called on short-notice Thursday evening, Council Members voted to approve a permit for…

Tri-Cities YMCA Facing Backlash After Name-Change to LMAO

Less than a week after changing their name to the Ladies’ & Men’s Athletic Organization (LMAO), Directors of the former Young Men’s Christian Association (YMCA) are working to address the community outrage and public-relations disaster triggered by their recent name-change. In a Press Release accompanying last Thursday’s introduction of new business cards, letterhead and outdoor…

Tri-Cities ‘Cereal-Killer’ Strikes Again – Police Release Sketch of Possible Suspect

The Tri-Cities Cereal-Killer struck again yesterday, this time at an undisclosed Ferrysburg address, but law enforcement investigators may also finally have their first solid lead in the case, in the form of an eyewitness who saw a man leaving the scene of the most recent crime. Authorities have now released a police sketch of a…

This Day In History: Lakeshore UFO-Mania of 1973

When this now-famous photograph of an unidentified flying object near Grand Haven’s Coal Tipple was first reported by The Grand Haven Tribune on July 10, 1973, it landed Grand Haven in the national media spotlight and sparked a wave of Western Michigan UFO-sightings which lasted throughout that year and well into 1974. To this day,…

Electric Cart Casualties May Lead To Traffic Lights In Retail Superstores

In a comprehensive report released this morning, The Federal Transportation & Traffic Administration (FTTA) is recommending to Federal and State lawmakers that retail superstores be required to install in-store traffic lights and stop signs for electric-carts. The FTTA Report follows a 14-month investigation into the alarming rise in electric-cart casualties and associated incidents of violence…

Recent Sightings of ‘Spring Loch Monster’ Exposed As Hoax – Perpetrator Arrested

After a four-day frenzy of reactions to reported sightings and photographs of a large, unidentified creature living in Spring Lake, the Ottawa County Sheriff’s Department announced this afternoon that it was all a well-planned and meticulously orchestrated hoax, and that a 13-year-old Grand Haven boy has been arrested in connection with the incident. When the…

Delays & Cost Overruns Force Local Woman To Suspend Self-Help Project

In a Facebook posting that surprised and saddened many of her 486 friends, family, and casual acquaintances, 39-year-old Bobbi Jo Lenmen has announced the temporary suspension of a two-year self-help program she began as a New Year’s Resolution in January 2013. Citing project delays and cost-overruns, the Forest Hills resident and mother of two wrote…

96-Year-Old Japanese Soldier Released From Hospital – Flown ‘Home’ To South Korea By Mistake

After more than three weeks of medical treatment and recuperation, including extensive debriefing sessions with both Japanese and U.S. diplomats, the 96-year-old Japanese soldier found last month behind Butch’s Beach Burritos was released yesterday from North Ottawa Community Hospital. The soldier’s name continues to be withheld, as Authorities discovered the he has an older brother…

Clover Bar Announces Takeover of Fricano’s Pizza

In a move that immediately created shockwaves, followed by a number of ripples and several strong reverberations across the western Michigan area, Clover Bar has announced a takeover of Fricano’s Pizza, effective immediately; abruptly ending the Grand Haven ‘pizza war’ that has divided local pizza-lovers for half a century. Because devotees of the two establishments…