Anyone looking for things to do in Grand Haven this weekend should check out Friday night’s special TGI DUI-Friday Extravaganza at Joe’s Wooden Nickel on Washington Street. To commemorate owner Joe Fairbairn’s second DUI-arrest in less than thirty days (and his third arrest since opening the popular nightspot earlier this year), the event will feature live music and an extended Happy Hour with half-price NyQuil shots. As reported in The Grand Haven Tribune, Fairbairn is using the famous ‘NyQuil Defense’ in his most recent DUI arrest, where he failed a breathalyzer test after being pulled over for speeding on Wednesday night. In a belief that the beloved and normally gregarious owner’s latest DUI-arrest is nothing but a crazy mix-up resulting from a severe head-cold, and considering that the cold & flu season is nearly upon us anyway, the Wooden Nickel will be offering half-price NyQuil shots from 6:00pm until closing on Friday night.
While many lawyers and legal scholars view the NyQuil Defense as little more than a direct legal descendant of the Dog-Ate-My-Homework Defense, NyQuil does in fact contain 25% alcohol. At the manufacturer’s recommended dosage of 2 tablespoons every 6 hours for adults, it would only require taking 6 times the recommended dosage (half of a large, 12-oz. bottle) in order to consume one shot of alcohol (1.5 oz.). Even Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Medical Correspondent for CNN, believes the NyQuil Defense can sometimes have merit. After studying a high-resolution copy of Fairbairn’s latest mug-shot, Dr. Gupta told The Times in a Skype call this afternoon that Fairbairn’s appearance does appear to show the classic symptoms of intense sinus congestion and debilitating sniffles. “It’s not unusual for people to think that if they take six or eight times the recommended dosage that their cold will go away six or eight times faster”, said Dr. Gupta, “But unfortunately, that’s a myth, and if you drink a 12-ounce bottle all at once, one that’s intended to last for three days, it’s like having a couple shots of whisky and then getting behind the wheel; there’s a good chance you’ll be over the legal limit.”
In what may or may not be a related development, famed defense lawyer Robert Shapiro was seen checking into a Grand Haven Bed & Breakfast this morning. Shapiro, who was co-counsel with Johnnie Cochran on O.J. Simpson’s defense ‘dream team’ in 1995, told a Times intern, “I booked this trip two months ago in order to visit the Tri-Cities Historical Museum and see the working replica of the Musical Fountain. But I did practically invent the NyQuil Defense, and I can tell you that any man or woman with a bad head cold, who drinks a little too much NyQuil and gets pulled over for speeding doesn’t usually get more than a slap on the wrist and a box of Kleenex. As Johnnie Cochran used to say, ‘If you sneeze quite a bit, they must acquit’.”